It was a close call. Met Alicia today so i could have my bottle back. Kind of bu4 xi2 guan4 w/o it. She brought Webby and Yoko to show me but just before 5 steps from saying hi to her, Webby escaped from her leash and ran to the road!! OMG! Gave me and Alicia a heart attack! Managed to save Webby! *Phew* Lucky the traffic light was red and cars were slowing down... It was a huge sigh of relief. Alot of thanx to Alicia for the thoughtful thought of bringing her 2 dogs to show me. Really appreciated it. *Thanx girl*...
I don't know how to start, but from here on, i'm just gonna type what pops up in my mind. Really appreciated Alicia's gesture today. I may only know how to say 'thanx girl', but inner soul just wanna hug her, squeeze her and return her a BIG favour. But i juz don't know how to express myself, i guess. *Shrugs*
Robz said something to which brought up my some things i tried to bury at the back of my head. I thought i had done enough to push it back... But somehow, it kind of just stuck in my head...again. Not blaming Robz, but yea...made me kinda feel at loss now... Again..
I'm not sure if anybody agrees with me, but i think it's the way we're brought up? You know, the eastern way and the western cultural differences? Like how the westerners are more expressive than the asians... Our affectional level may be no difference but the expressive factor is definitely much lower than them. Agree? E.g. Kid hugs and pecks on parents whenever they need to part, kid may be going to college in other country or may be juz going to school. They hug. Why aren't the asians doing this? We, or maybe just me, just say, 'Mummy, i'm going out already.' Where's the goodbye hugs and pecks on cheek?
We may not know it, but what if something happens while you're out and would you want words or touch( hugs) to be the last thing you give to your mum and dad? I remembered the time when my bro and i had to give a 'thank you' speech during the celebration of my parent's anniversary in front of my relatives. My bro blahed everything, but i was speechless. I was about 14 or 15 i think. I didn't know how to do it but i said a simple thank you to them. I couldn't do it, i could not say it out loud that i appreciated them alot, wanted to thank them for nurturing me, their precious time taking care of me. Simply, i just wanna give them BIG hugs and never wanna let them go. For now, i feel like giving them hugs... And just wanna let them know i'm really thankful for having them as my parents.
I get emotional whenever i see them quarrel. Simply becuz, why get angry with each other over petty stuffs when u guys can spend the time, feeling happy, cuddling with each other and show your love openly. I seriously don't mind if my parents are watching TV in the living room and my father just wanna kiss my mum or put his arms around her or wanna take a romantic getaway. Hmm.. I've never seen them kiss before!! Haha... PLEASE LEH! Don't just hold hands! Be more affectionate and be more open leh! -_____-''' There's seriously nothing wrong in doing that! What if you know it's your last day on earth tomorrow? Are we gonna start regreting and think why didn't i do that? It's not just between a couple's love, there are many different relationships in my life that i think i've not shown enough concern. I may look oblivious to these relationships, but they're actually more important and hold more meaning to my inner soul than anyone could have imagined.
I kinda regret that i don't show enough concern to my parents, friends and aunt. I can't just go around hugging these people simply because it doesn't work this way here, in Singapore, in this eastern culture influences. I mean, how often do you see us, asians hugging relatives goodbye in the airport? The more often actions are, 'Bon vogage!', 'Have a good trip!' or 'Have fun and enjoy your trip!'. What if we're never able to see each other again? Would i want words to be the last thing i say to other person? I would much rather have a long tight hug or a pat on the back or a simple gesture like patting my hand or something like that. Of cuz, if there's no touch, i guess words would be better than nothing.
I prefer to lead my life simple and no complications. I believe that even though i may not get to experience life's highest high, as long as i go to bed everyday, contented that i did not regret on anything, happy that everyone around me is happy, glad that i did my best in everything that i COULD do to make everyone and myself satisfied, live life to the fullest everyday, I would have gone to my next life happily. Of cuz, i havent achieved what i wanna achieve. That is, make a difference in this world. Maybe be a helping hand in the research of cancer or some disease or what. That would be my drive towards life. Of cuz, i would not go happily if i really die tomorrow because i AM regretting that i'm not showing enough concern and appreciation to my parents. I'm still liberating how to do that. Should i just hug them now? Or what? I don;t know. Saw Robz hugging his parents just before they left for a trip. Have i ever done that??
What's gonna happen after death? Why do i exist? In my opinion, it's to experience life. To experience life's ups and downs and feel how is it like. And to make a difference in this world. This is what i believe. That's my drive towards life. That's what i live for. Some may not agree with my motto in life and may even lose faith and lose direction in life. But i truly believe in myself and not in religions or what..... Sorry to religion followers, but that's what i think. That's my view towards life. It doesn't matter what happens after death, because i know that when i'm gone, i know that i would not regret on existing.
Of cuz, i can only say that when i think i managed to make a difference in this world and not regretted on any of my actions.
xoxo Ei Leen xoxo
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