Me....

I've changed. I admit that i've changed over the past 7 to 8 weeks. Probably due to me entering year 2. I know i will change to a slightly different person, because i know that once i'm out of my comfort zone, i'm gone. Not literally mentally and emotionally and physically gone. But i know that i would need alot of time to adjust and cope with my new surroundings.

And yea, everything came true. I've changed into another person. I'm not the same anymore. I know i've changed about 40% of myself. And people around me can't accept the new changes in me. Frankly speaking, i don't either. I dislike my newself. I hope i can return to my bubbly, cheerful and 'don't think too much of everything' self. For the past 7 weeks, i was at lost. I didn't know what to focus on. Whether it's studies, family or myself, i didn't know what to put my priority on. I wouldn't say there was much difference in year 1 or year 2. But that slight difference kind of like twirled me around and made me completely lost. Yea, there was still waking up in the morning, going to school, go for lectures, tutorials, pracs and tennis sessions.

But the environment is totally different. A lecture hall full of strangers, new teachers, much more difficult modules, a class or strangers. Yea, some of you may cope extremely well with new environments. But i guess i can't. I admit that i'm afraid to venture out. Though i came poly to 'make' myself be brave enough to venture out and meet new things, new friends and all, i guess i still couldn't take everything all at once. I guess the transfer to level 2.1 was the thing that made me change. I'm not blaming anything for my change. I guess i have to make myself adjust fast enough well not changing myself. The biggest mistake for the past 8 weeks was to lose my focus. I totally lost it. In the end, my family and my close ones suffered the most.

A really big Sorry to my parents and Robz. Sorry to cause unnecessary worries.

I am trying hard to back to myself and not lose my focus anymore. Apologies to Robz, for all the unnecessary quarrels, misunderstandings, miscommunication and everything that caused those turbulent weeks. It was really a rollercoaster ride huh? Sorry. Love you lotz. Thanx for standing by me.

xoxo Ei Leen xoxo